theavengersshouldnttext: Tony Stark: Movie party at my crib, clothing optional! See all you bitches soon Thor Odinson: CLOTHING IS NOT ALWAYS OPTIONAL?

theavengersshouldnttext:

Tony Stark: Movie party at my crib, clothing optional! See all you bitches soon

Thor Odinson: CLOTHING IS NOT ALWAYS OPTIONAL?

Thor: HELLO, CHILD, ARE YOU IN THIS LOCATION OFTEN?

Tony: what

Thor: HELLO, INFANT, YOU LOOK LIKE A VERY LARGE SUM OF MIDGARDIAN CURRENCY TO ME.

Tony: thor, what the hell

Thor: DID IT HURT WHEN YOU FELL FROM VALHALLA?

Tony: oh i see what you’re doing now

Tony: i’m very flattered but i don’t think i’m your type

Tony: i mean you’re a norse god and everything jesus this is awkward but i mean…

Thor: NO, FOOLISH ANTHONY, I AM MERELY TESTING THESE “LINES OF PICKING-UP” UPON YOU. DO YOU THINK THAT THEY WOULD WORK ON THE FAIR LADY JANE?

Tony: in brief: no.

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Thor: MAN OF ANGER. I HAVE DISCOVERED SOMETHING ON THE ONLINE TUBE OF MOVING PICTURES THAT I THINK WILL AMUSE YOU Bruce: Okay. I’ll come look. Thor: IT IS A MOST ENTERTAINING STRIPED HORSE THAT IS SPORTING A LARGE AMOUNT OF HAIR WITH A RAINBOW HUE. AND IT IS SINGING A MELODY! — Bruce: TONY I HATE YOU Tony: What? Why? Bruce: YOU LET THOR GO ON YOUTUBE AND HE FOUND AFRO CIRUS Tony: Oh my god. Tony: I am so, so, sorry, Bruce: …actually, you know what, its fine. Sorry for yelling. Tony: Really? Even though I specifically showed him that? Tony: Banner? Tony: are you mad at me? Tony: okay how have you got it on a loop Tony: why can’t I disable it Tony: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO JARVIS Tony: BRUCE PLEASE I’M SORRY Bruce: Enjoy 6 hours of Afro Circus you bastard. submitted by quoth-the-jackdaw

Thor: MAN OF ANGER. I HAVE DISCOVERED SOMETHING ON THE ONLINE TUBE OF MOVING PICTURES THAT I THINK WILL AMUSE YOU

Bruce: Okay. I’ll come look.

Thor: IT IS A MOST ENTERTAINING STRIPED HORSE THAT IS SPORTING A LARGE AMOUNT OF HAIR WITH A RAINBOW HUE. AND IT IS SINGING A MELODY!

—

Bruce: TONY I HATE YOU

Tony: What? Why?

Bruce: YOU LET THOR GO ON YOUTUBE AND HE FOUND AFRO CIRUS

Tony: Oh my god.

Tony: I am so, so, sorry,

Bruce: …actually, you know what, its fine. Sorry for yelling.

Tony: Really? Even though I specifically showed him that?

Tony: Banner?

Tony: are you mad at me?

Tony: okay how have you got it on a loop

Tony: why can’t I disable it

Tony: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO JARVIS

Tony: BRUCE PLEASE I’M SORRY

Bruce: Enjoy 6 hours of Afro Circus you bastard.

submitted by quoth-the-jackdaw

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Tony: Hey Bruce, I found this awesome video on YouTube about science. Come see it. Bruce: Okay… Bruce: Where are you? Nobody’s here Bruce: JARVIS is asking me to play it. I’ll watch it. Bruce: Who is this singer? Bruce: Is this Rick Astley? Bruce: Oh. Tony: AHAHAHAHAH — Tony: Hey Bruce. I hoper you don’t feel too bad about that. Tony: I’m home now, where are you? Tony: You got it on autoplay? Tony: Very funny. Turn it off now, please Tony: Bruce. Please. Tony: I can’t turn it off it’s on repeat Bruce: RICK ROLLED, BITCH. Tony: I’m going to hurt you. submitted by quoth-the-jackdaw 

Tony: Hey Bruce, I found this awesome video on YouTube about science. Come see it.

Bruce: Okay…

Bruce: Where are you? Nobody’s here

Bruce: JARVIS is asking me to play it. I’ll watch it.

Bruce: Who is this singer?

Bruce: Is this Rick Astley?

Bruce: Oh.

Tony: AHAHAHAHAH

—

Tony: Hey Bruce. I hoper you don’t feel too bad about that.

Tony: I’m home now, where are you?

Tony: You got it on autoplay?

Tony: Very funny. Turn it off now, please

Tony: Bruce. Please.

Tony: I can’t turn it off it’s on repeat

Bruce: RICK ROLLED, BITCH.

Tony: I’m going to hurt you.

submitted by quoth-the-jackdaw 

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Thor: DEAREST MAN OF IRON. THE ONE WITH THE EYES RESEMBLING THAT OF A HAWK HAS INTRODUCED ME TO A MOST WONDERFUL SONG! Tony: Oh shit…what song? Thor: YOU CANT TOUCH THIS BREAK IT DOWN STOP HAMMER TIME GO WITH THE FLOW IT IS SAID IF YOU CANT MOVE TO THIS THEN YOU PROBABLY ARE DEAD SO WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND BUST A FEW MOVES Thor: RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR! Tony: Holy shit. Thor what was all that banging?? Thor: I WAS DOING AS THE SONG INSTRUCTED AND RELEASED MY GRIP ON MJOLNIR BY MISTAKE. I WAS NOT FAST ENOUGH TO CATCH IT AGAIN AND IT CRASHED INTO THE GLOWING BLACK BOX. Tony: I swear Hawkeye I will end you… Thor: IT IS STILL I THOR THAT YOU SPEAK TO, MAN OF IRON, NOT HE WHOSE EYES ARE LIKE THAT OF HAWKS Tony: Nevermind Thor… submitted by allthingshyper

Thor: DEAREST MAN OF IRON. THE ONE WITH THE EYES RESEMBLING THAT OF A HAWK HAS INTRODUCED ME TO A MOST WONDERFUL SONG!

Tony: Oh shit…what song?

Thor: YOU CANT TOUCH THIS BREAK IT DOWN STOP HAMMER TIME GO WITH THE FLOW IT IS SAID IF YOU CANT MOVE TO THIS THEN YOU PROBABLY ARE DEAD SO WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND BUST A FEW MOVES

Thor: RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR!

Tony: Holy shit. Thor what was all that banging??

Thor: I WAS DOING AS THE SONG INSTRUCTED AND RELEASED MY GRIP ON MJOLNIR BY MISTAKE. I WAS NOT FAST ENOUGH TO CATCH IT AGAIN AND IT CRASHED INTO THE GLOWING BLACK BOX.

Tony: I swear Hawkeye I will end you…

Thor: IT IS STILL I THOR THAT YOU SPEAK TO, MAN OF IRON, NOT HE WHOSE EYES ARE LIKE THAT OF HAWKS

Tony: Nevermind Thor…

submitted by allthingshyper

Darcy: So, Loki. What are we going to do tonight? Loki: The same thing we do every night Darcy. TRY TO TAKE OVER MIDGARD! Submitted by vampiremidnighter1339

Darcy: So, Loki. What are we going to do tonight?

Loki: The same thing we do every night Darcy. TRY TO TAKE OVER MIDGARD!

Submitted by vampiremidnighter1339

Darcy: Hey Thunderboy, use the glowing screen that Tony gave you to find this: “2 girls 1 cup” Thor: OF COURSE DEAR DARCY, I SHALL SEARCH AT ONCE Thor: BUT WHAT IS…… Thor: SURELY NOT……. Thor: OH DARCY :( Thor: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( —- Did you submit this? send us a message! 

Darcy: Hey Thunderboy, use the glowing screen that Tony gave you to find this: “2 girls 1 cup”

Thor: OF COURSE DEAR DARCY, I SHALL SEARCH AT ONCE

Thor: BUT WHAT IS……

Thor: SURELY NOT…….

Thor: OH DARCY :(

Thor: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

—-

Did you submit this? send us a message! 

Loki: My congratulations Darcy: Why? Loki: Swapping my idot brother’s shampoo with Nair. Truly inspired Darcy: Knew you’d like it Loki: I suppose you’ll be wanting a reward Darcy: Let me guess, I have to have my clothes off in under 20 seconds Loki: Don’t forget the kneeling, I will be there shortly —- Submitted by the-crazy-geek

Loki: My congratulations

Darcy: Why?

Loki: Swapping my idot brother’s shampoo with Nair. Truly inspired

Darcy: Knew you’d like it

Loki: I suppose you’ll be wanting a reward

Darcy: Let me guess, I have to have my clothes off in under 20 seconds

Loki: Don’t forget the kneeling, I will be there shortly

—-

Submitted by the-crazy-geek

Tony: oh christ we’ve got a situation

Natasha: Oh god, what did you do now?

Tony: it’s not what i did, it’s what bruce did, jesus fuck he’s hulked out in the kitchen and…

Natasha: Jesus, Tony, WHAT?

Tony: and he’s crying

Natasha: Let me get this straight… the Hulk is crying?

Tony: yep. because there is no more ice cream in the freezer. he’s eaten it all.

Natasha: Jesus christ.

Tony: oh god, he just said HULK WANT MORE COOKIES AND CREAM

Tony: i have literally never heard anything more hilarious in my life

Natasha: shit, what are we even supposed to do in this situation

Tony: you heard the man, more cookies and cream

Tony: shit, i’m crying laughing

(for the lovely muffinthemighty)

Bruce: Um, Tony? Can I get your help with something?

Tony: …

Tony: Why do I feel like I’d regret agreeing to this?

Bruce: It’s not a big deal.

Tony: Well what is it?

Bruce: Well, it seems like Adele has been exposed to some…um…gamma rays, and…

Tony: Okay, I already don’t like this, but just finish the sentence.

Bruce: Well, it’s seems she’s…

Tony: Dead? Is she dead? Did you KILL Thor’s baby rabbit?

Bruce: What? No! She just got into my lab somehow when I was running tests and now she’s a mutant rabbit.

Bruce: And I really need your help fixing her before Thor finds out. Also before she terrorizes the city.

Tony: …

Tony: I actually kind of feel bad saying this, but I think I’d have preferred if we were arranging a rabbit-funeral right now.

Bruce: Yeah, that is bad. You should feel horrible.

Tony: I do, I really do.

(submitted my MoonSlippers)

(Source: http)

Steve: We can’t act like it was no big deal. This could turn into a real problem.Tony, we have to talk about it.

Tony: okay JUST BECAUSE A MAN’S ARC REACTOR MALFUNCTIONS DURING STRESSFUL EPISODES OF BUFFY Tony: AM I NOT ALLOWED EMOTIONS?

Steve: I was really scared, Tony! I thought you were going to die.

Tony: OH YEAH and you didn’t cry like someone was murdering puppies when we saw the reichenbach falls

Steve: That’s completely different, Tony!

Tony: IN WHAT UNIVERSE

Steve: Tony! I just want to know everything will be okay and that we can watch season finales without you having to rush down to the lab and fix yourself. I felt so powerless, it was horrible.

Tony: okay fine captain good samaritan would you feel better if I taught you how to fix it?

Steve: Yes, thank you.

Steve: Now might be a good time…I can hear JARVIS’s warnings from here. Are you watching the last episode of M*A*S*H again?

Tony: no

Tony: ow

Tony: maybe

(Source: thevengersshouldnttext)

Darcy: yo loki, you’ve been awwwwwfully quiet and therefore I deduce that you are up to something

Darcy: so spill, bro

Loki: I am plotting something…

Darcy: i get to be part of it you promised!

Loki: Yes, you will be a part of this one.

Darcy: YAY! now what will we be doooooiiinnnnnggg?

Loki: How do you think Thor would like it if his precious Adele’s coloring were to suddenly become that of my battle armor?

Darcy: you want to dye adele to match your reindeer getup?

Darcy: thats just cruel. 

Darcy: jk IM SO FUCKING IN. her ears can be your helmet.

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

~In which Bruce misses Steve and Tony when they go on a mission without him but is too manly to admit it.  (Love Pepper and Storm)  —- Peter: You know you miss them Bruce: Nope Peter: Steve and Tony went on a mission without youuu Bruce: Pete, stop taunting me, it’s not a good idea. Peter: You’re up in the lab all by yourself Bruce: I’ve got plenty to do without them. Peter: You miss them.  Bruce: Fine.  —- D’aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww. Thanks Storm and Pepper! -Steve and Tony

~In which Bruce misses Steve and Tony when they go on a mission without him but is too manly to admit it. 

(Love Pepper and Storm) 

—-

Peter: You know you miss them

Bruce: Nope

Peter: Steve and Tony went on a mission without youuu

Bruce: Pete, stop taunting me, it’s not a good idea.

Peter: You’re up in the lab all by yourself

Bruce: I’ve got plenty to do without them.

Peter: You miss them. 

Bruce: Fine. 

—-

D’aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww. Thanks Storm and Pepper!

-Steve and Tony

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Tony Stark: Are you okay down there, Banner?  Bruce Banner: Nothing in my life has ever been as stressful as THIS Tony: What? Bruce: WHAT THE HELL IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE IT LOOKS LIKE A STICK Bruce: WHAT HAS THAT MANY LETTERS Tony: Did Steve let you play draw something? Bruce: IN WHAT WAY IS THAT AN AVOCADO CHRIST FUCSFHOHF Tony: Yep. Definitely Draw Something. Bruce: dasdfkj Tony: You know what, hulk out, it’s fine. I would do the same. Tony: I’ll get JARVIS to disable the game.  —— OH RURALTRUFFLE you do not understand how much we love your texts. Your last one garnered almost 3,400 notes! You are the actual best and we both almost died laughing sitting here reading this one.  Love, Tony and Steve

Tony Stark: Are you okay down there, Banner? 

Bruce Banner: Nothing in my life has ever been as stressful as THIS

Tony: What?

Bruce: WHAT THE HELL IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE IT LOOKS LIKE A STICK

Bruce: WHAT HAS THAT MANY LETTERS

Tony: Did Steve let you play draw something?

Bruce: IN WHAT WAY IS THAT AN AVOCADO CHRIST FUCSFHOHF

Tony: Yep. Definitely Draw Something.

Bruce: dasdfkj

Tony: You know what, hulk out, it’s fine. I would do the same.

Tony: I’ll get JARVIS to disable the game. 

——

OH RURALTRUFFLE you do not understand how much we love your texts. Your last one garnered almost 3,400 notes! You are the actual best and we both almost died laughing sitting here reading this one. 

Love,

Tony and Steve

Thor: OH, ANGRY GREEN ONE, I HAVE DISCOVERED A PHENOMENON MOST WONDERFUL.

Bruce: Okay, what is it?

Thor: IF ONE PLACES TWO SYMBOLS OF PUNCTUATION ADJACENT TO ONE ANOTHER, THE RESULT MIMICS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.

Thor: :)

Thor: THIS ONE APPEARS TO BE CONTENT AND IS SMILING

Bruce: Yes Thor, I see, very nice

Thor: :D

Thor: :P

Thor: :S

Bruce: Okay…Thats enough…

Thor: I AM CURRENTLY EXPRESSING A FACE SIMILAR TO THIS ONE :( BECAUSE YOU DO NOT FIND THEM ENTERTAINING

Thor: I BELIEVED THEM TO BE QUITE ENTERTAINING

Bruce: Yes, but you’re overdoing it. Please stop

—

Bruce: dfhhdgfg

Tony: just text me when you’re done being a green rage monster

Bruce: Thank you…where am I?

Tony: On a beach, pepper’s on her way to you, she’s got clothes. what was it this time?

Bruce: Thor… He discovered emoticons…

Tony: Oh

Tony: okay well ill see you back at stark tower ;)

Bruce:…

Bruce: You are so lucky I have good control…

Tony: hey

Tony: hey

Tony: hey banner

Tony: (whale)

Bruce:…I hate you.

(submitted by ruraltruffle )

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