Darcy: So, Loki. What are we going to do tonight? Loki: The same thing we do every night Darcy. TRY TO TAKE OVER MIDGARD! Submitted by vampiremidnighter1339

Darcy: So, Loki. What are we going to do tonight?

Loki: The same thing we do every night Darcy. TRY TO TAKE OVER MIDGARD!

Submitted by vampiremidnighter1339

Darcy: Hey Thunderboy, use the glowing screen that Tony gave you to find this: “2 girls 1 cup” Thor: OF COURSE DEAR DARCY, I SHALL SEARCH AT ONCE Thor: BUT WHAT IS…… Thor: SURELY NOT……. Thor: OH DARCY :( Thor: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( —- Did you submit this? send us a message! 

Darcy: Hey Thunderboy, use the glowing screen that Tony gave you to find this: “2 girls 1 cup”

Thor: OF COURSE DEAR DARCY, I SHALL SEARCH AT ONCE

Thor: BUT WHAT IS……

Thor: SURELY NOT…….

Thor: OH DARCY :(

Thor: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

—-

Did you submit this? send us a message! 

Loki: My congratulations Darcy: Why? Loki: Swapping my idot brother’s shampoo with Nair. Truly inspired Darcy: Knew you’d like it Loki: I suppose you’ll be wanting a reward Darcy: Let me guess, I have to have my clothes off in under 20 seconds Loki: Don’t forget the kneeling, I will be there shortly —- Submitted by the-crazy-geek

Loki: My congratulations

Darcy: Why?

Loki: Swapping my idot brother’s shampoo with Nair. Truly inspired

Darcy: Knew you’d like it

Loki: I suppose you’ll be wanting a reward

Darcy: Let me guess, I have to have my clothes off in under 20 seconds

Loki: Don’t forget the kneeling, I will be there shortly

—-

Submitted by the-crazy-geek

Darcy: yo loki, you’ve been awwwwwfully quiet and therefore I deduce that you are up to something

Darcy: so spill, bro

Loki: I am plotting something…

Darcy: i get to be part of it you promised!

Loki: Yes, you will be a part of this one.

Darcy: YAY! now what will we be doooooiiinnnnnggg?

Loki: How do you think Thor would like it if his precious Adele’s coloring were to suddenly become that of my battle armor?

Darcy: you want to dye adele to match your reindeer getup?

Darcy: thats just cruel. 

Darcy: jk IM SO FUCKING IN. her ears can be your helmet.

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Darcy: How in the world did you do THAT?

Loki: I’m the Trickster. Did you imagine i’d do anything less?

Darcy: You fucking dyed everything in all of shield hq pink. why the fuck was I not in on this? we had a thing, man.

Loki: I was not aware you would enjoy taking part in something on such a large scale.

Darcy: im totally in this for the long haul, dude.

Darcy: unless you kill anything with four legs

Darcy: or touch my ipod

Darcy: then im sending your skinny ass back to wherever the fuck.

Thor: DEAREST DARCY, I ADDRESSED THE MAN OF IRON AS “THE BADDEST OF ASSES”. IS THIS SATISFACTORY TO EARN THE STATUS OF “RAD”

Darcy: erm…sure

Thor: YOU DO NOT SEEM AS OVERJOYED AS I HAD PREDICTED

Darcy: dude, im plenty overjoyed, you just sent tony into a panicked spiral and hes flooding my phone with texts.

Darcy: so yes, you have been upgraded from “sweet” to “rad” congrats

Thor: I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS WARM GOLDEN LIQUID DEAREST DARCY

Darcy: Any time big guy. Are you on your way to Stark’s?

Thor: YES, I SHALL DELIVER THIS SMALL STICK THAT TREMORS TO AND FRO TO THE ONE OF IRON AND THE ONE OF AMERICAN HERITAGE

Darcy: Just make sure you get it to them as soon as possible.

Thor: OF COURSE, DEAR DARCY

-

Tony: darcy, tonight you die

Darcy: What are you talking about Tony?

Tony: you got Thor drunk

Darcy: I strenuously deny this accusation.

Tony: you sent him to my house with a vibrator

Darcy: I further strenuously deny this accusation/plead the fifth

Tony: …

Darcy: You’re welcome ;)

Tony: Fuck you.

Tony: darcy what did you do

Darcy: I have no idea what youre talking about.

Tony: thors christmas gift

Darcy: theres no way I bought thor a bunny for christmas, i would never do that.
Tony: clearly you did.

Darcy: no, its christmas an hanukkah all at once. I felt like the big guy needed a big gift.

Tony: bullshit

Darcy: you never should have let me read that text. BOLDLY EATS CARROTS IN THE NIGHT. you knew this would happen.

Tony: if I knew this was coming I would have let you borrow the G6 for christmas.

Darcy: but i did you a solid. now hell be too busy with his new furry friend to wonder about how you and cap keep disappearing at night.

Tony: Keep the G6. merry christmas, lewis.

Darcy: happy hanukkah , santaperv.
—
Thor: DEAR LADY DARCY, HOW MAY I EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE?

Darcy: you dont need to buddy. just felt like giving you something nice for christmas

Thor: THIS BALL OF FUR IS HEARTY, SMALL, AND SPLENDID. HOW SHALL I NAME HER?

Darcy: well some people name their pets after famous people. performers and what have you.

Thor: LADY DARCY, YOU ARE AS WONDERFUL AS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I SHALL NAME HER IN HONOR OF THE ONE CALLED ADELE. I DO HOPE YOUR WINTER SOLSTICE IS BOUNTIFUL IN ENJOYABLE COPULATION AND VISITS FROM PAST SPIRITS AS SEEMS TO BE MIDGUARDIAN TRADITION.

Darcy: erm… thanks.

Submitted by brasspistol

Darcy Lewis: Thor, where’s my iPod? Thor Odinson: I CURRENTLY POSESS YOUR MAGICAL BLACK MUSIC SQUARE, LITTLE BOISTEROUS ONE. Darcy: Wanna give that back to me please? Thor: NOT UNTIL I HAVE FINISHED LISTENING TO THE MUSIC BY THE ONE CALLED ADELE. — Tony Stark: Darcy - why the HELL is Thor crying in my sound room?! Darcy Lewis: …I dunno what you’re talking about. Tony: He is sitting there. CRYING. Listening to “Someone Like You”. Darcy: Still don’t know what you’re talking about… Tony: You suck. Darcy: That’s your job, buddy. (in which Thor likes Adele, to the point where it pisses Tony off - referencing the SNL skit here - and where Darcy is funny…hope you enjoy.) —- Submitted by the brilliant and hilarious wordyouwield. This made Steve and I laugh our asses off, oh my god. You are SO GREAT. Thank you, sweetheart.  xx Tony P.S. Can we please make THE ONE CALLED ADELE a thing now. —-

Darcy Lewis: Thor, where’s my iPod?

Thor Odinson: I CURRENTLY POSESS YOUR MAGICAL BLACK MUSIC SQUARE, LITTLE BOISTEROUS ONE.

Darcy: Wanna give that back to me please?

Thor: NOT UNTIL I HAVE FINISHED LISTENING TO THE MUSIC BY THE ONE CALLED ADELE.

—

Tony Stark: Darcy - why the HELL is Thor crying in my sound room?!

Darcy Lewis: …I dunno what you’re talking about.

Tony: He is sitting there. CRYING. Listening to “Someone Like You”.

Darcy: Still don’t know what you’re talking about…

Tony: You suck.

Darcy: That’s your job, buddy.

(in which Thor likes Adele, to the point where it pisses Tony off - referencing the SNL skit here - and where Darcy is funny…hope you enjoy.)

—-

Submitted by the brilliant and hilarious wordyouwield. This made Steve and I laugh our asses off, oh my god. You are SO GREAT. Thank you, sweetheart. 

xx

Tony

P.S. Can we please make THE ONE CALLED ADELE a thing now.

—-

Darcy Lewis: Heyyyyy assface!

Darcy Lewis: Yo, douchebag!

Darcy Lewis: Mr. Anger Management~~

Darcy Lewis: Mr. Greenie Meanie

Darcy Lewis: YOU GIANT BAG OF DICKS

Bruce Banner: It’s not going to work, Lewis.

Darcy Lewis: and why not, Sir Twatwaffle?

Bruce Banner: Because sticks and stones may break my bones…

Darcy Lewis: Thor just finished all the hot chocolate

—

Tony Stark: Youre paying for bruce’s new phone

Darcy Lewis: I am so not

Tony Stark: Yes you so are

Darcy Lewis: You forget, I can get Thor drunk and send him over to yours anytime I want.

Tony Stark: So maybe i’ll see about getting bruce the newest starkphone

Tony Stark: jane come here and stop your oversized boyfriendchild from playing horror games

Jane Foster: Tony, he’s a big boy, not to mention a Norse god, I don’t think it will scare him.

Tony Stark: last time he played that stupid Amnesia dark whatever game he wouldn’t sleep alone for three weeks.

Tony Stark: thats a full three weeks with a fucking huge-ass dude in your bed.

Jane Foster: Last I checked, you liked having huge-ass men in your bed.

Tony Stark: I only like having huge-ass steve rogers in my bed

Tony Stark: or scrawny-ass steve rogers

Tony Stark: or half naked steve rogers

Tony Stark: or fully naked steve rogers

Jane Foster: OKAY, OKAY! Go get him to stop playing. Anything to make you STOP

Tony Stark: you’re just jeeeallllooouuuuuusssss cause i get to sleep with captain fucking americaaaa

Jane Foster: Jane is full of shit and I really want to see a caffeinated Thor deal with scary videogames. BY ALL MEANS LET HIM KEEP PLAYING :D ~Darcy

Anonymous asked: Does Tony have a snuggie? Is he possessive over it? Has anyone ever stolen his snuggie?

—-

Tony Stark: All right guys very funny. Where the fuck is my snuggie

Clint Barton: BAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA

—-

Tony Stark: All right guys very funny. Where the fuck is my snuggie

Pepper Potts: Your Iron Man Snuggie? 

Pepper: The last {and extremely unprofessional} place I recall seeing it was on the couch in your office at Stark Industries.

Tony: Well it’s not there now. and seriously have you ever known me to be professional

 —-

Tony Stark: All right guys very funny. Where the fuck is my snuggie

Thor Odinson: THE MIRACULOUSLY SOFT AND COMFORTABLE FABRIC TUNIC WITH THE IMAGE OF YOUR ARMOR SOMEHOW DYED INTO IT?

Tony: Yes, that would be it

Thor: I KNOW NOT ITS WHEREABOUTS

 —-

Tony Stark: All right guys very funny. Where the fuck is my snuggie

Natasha Romanoff: I was not aware you owned one of those…. things

Tony: Hey now don’t knock it till you try it

 —-

Tony Stark: All right guys very funny. Where the fuck is my snuggie

Darcy Lewis: You mean your IRON MAN SNUGGIE that I’ve been jealous of for like, months?

Tony: …yes

Darcy: Hmm. Let me think. Haven’t seen it. Nope. Not at all. Not even a little. Uh-uh.

Tony: oh god what are you doing with it

Darcy: Nothing

Darcy: Besides being warm and cozy

Darcy: And you’re not

Tony: i will be there in ten minutes and i will murder you.

 —-

{Okay, so maybe he gets a little possessive.}

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Darcy Lewis: WHAT THE FUCK CONDITIONER DO YOU ASS-GARD BITCHES USE ON THOR’S HAIR, SERIOUSLY, IS IT MADE FROM THE TEARS OF BABY EAGLES OR SOMETHING. Darcy Lewis: None of the conditioners in the hair product aisle work! Loki: Try the “ethnic women” section. His mane of golden curls is rather unwieldy at times.

Darcy Lewis: WHAT THE FUCK CONDITIONER DO YOU ASS-GARD BITCHES USE ON THOR’S HAIR, SERIOUSLY, IS IT MADE FROM THE TEARS OF BABY EAGLES OR SOMETHING.

Darcy Lewis: None of the conditioners in the hair product aisle work!

Loki: Try the “ethnic women” section. His mane of golden curls is rather unwieldy at times.

Darcy Lewis: Hey, seen my iPod? Bruce Banner: Yes. I did. Before I stepped on it. Sorry. Darcy: YOUR GREEN ASS IS GRASS

Darcy Lewis: Hey, seen my iPod?

Bruce Banner: Yes. I did. Before I stepped on it. Sorry.

Darcy: YOUR GREEN ASS IS GRASS

Texts between the one and only Avengers.

Run by {Captain America} and {Iron Man}

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