THOR, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

Steve: I just finished watching Clockwork Orange…

Tony: Like I asked? Good. Enjoy it?

Steve: It scared me horribly. I think I might have nightmares from it.

Tony: Really? I like it.

Steve: You are sick.

Tony: True.

Tony: Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?

Steve: …

Tony: Well?

Steve: I’ll get my pillow.

—

Submitted by butmaddnessismorefun

(Source: theavengersshouldnttext)

Steve: We can’t act like it was no big deal. This could turn into a real problem.Tony, we have to talk about it.

Tony: okay JUST BECAUSE A MAN’S ARC REACTOR MALFUNCTIONS DURING STRESSFUL EPISODES OF BUFFY Tony: AM I NOT ALLOWED EMOTIONS?

Steve: I was really scared, Tony! I thought you were going to die.

Tony: OH YEAH and you didn’t cry like someone was murdering puppies when we saw the reichenbach falls

Steve: That’s completely different, Tony!

Tony: IN WHAT UNIVERSE

Steve: Tony! I just want to know everything will be okay and that we can watch season finales without you having to rush down to the lab and fix yourself. I felt so powerless, it was horrible.

Tony: okay fine captain good samaritan would you feel better if I taught you how to fix it?

Steve: Yes, thank you.

Steve: Now might be a good time…I can hear JARVIS’s warnings from here. Are you watching the last episode of M*A*S*H again?

Tony: no

Tony: ow

Tony: maybe

(Source: thevengersshouldnttext)

avengemebaby:

The cast of The Avengers as sloths:

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: 

Bruce Banner (the Hulk), Clint Barton (Hawkeye), Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow),  Thor Odinson (God of Thunder), Steve Rogers (Captain America), Tony Stark (Iron Man), Loki Laufeyson (God of Mischief), Nicholas Fury (S.H.I.E.L.D Director), Philip Coulson (S.H.I.E.L.D Operative), Pepper Potts (CEO of Stark Industries).

BONUS:

LOKI’D!!

Tony!mod made this, it is brilliant, no?

I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU MOTHER****ING AVENGERS SLEEPING LATE, YOU ALL ARE AS GOOD AS SLOTHS TO ME SOMETIMES

Nick Fury

S.H.I.E.L.D Director

(via ohh-young-blood)

Part 1 of ??? from the anonymous prompt “Pick-up lines!!!”

Steve:  Hey, Natasha. Can I run something by you?
Natasha:  Um. Depends. Is it legal?
Steve:  Of course it is! What kind of person do you think I am?
Natasha:  Oh yeah, apple pie and integrity and all that. Anyway, what do you need?
Steve:  Do you think this would work on Tony?
Natasha:  NO OH GOD I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF YOUR STAR SPANGLED JUNK
Steve:  “Did it hurt?” then he’d say “what?” and I’d say “When you fell from heaven.”
Natasha:  oh steve. oh honey.
Natasha:  that was maybe worse than a dick pic
Steve:  What did I do wrong?
Steve:  And what the hell is a dick pic?
Natasha:  A better question would probably be what DIDN’T you do wrong
Natasha:  and trust me, you really don’t want to know

Tony: you fucking lead soldiers into battle, you should so be the leader of the avengers!

Steve: You are way more apt at the ways of today, and I really don’t need all the extra paperwork.

Tony: but you’re a SUPERSOLDIER.

Steve: But you’re a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist!

Tony: YOU ARE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED PERFECTION

Steve: YOU CAN WORK A TOASTER

Tony: touche.

Steve: Bruce, are you alright? I heard a bang from your lab.

Steve: bruce its tony you better be hurt or something because you’re interrupting very importent buisnes you get me

Bruce: I dont know where to put this what is going on

Steve: Bruce? You alright? Im coming up, hold on

Bruce: No you’re not going to help unless you magically happen to know where screw 1394 goes or where hinge b has disappeared to

Steve: I dont understand

Steve: tony here, are you putting together a desk from ikea?

Steve: There was another crash, did you hulk?

Bruce: 37ehsdhxg fkdj

Steve: yup. ikea.

Tony: pepper code light purple again

Tony: the fuck do I do

Pepper: What’s going on this time? Please dont tell me its another ASPCA commercial, we taked about those.

Tony: No it’s worse

Tony: so

Tony:much

Tony:worse

Pepper: Okay, calm down. What’s the matter?

Tony: oh god hes clinging to my arm HE’S A FUCKING SUPER SOLDIER OW THAT SMARTS.

Pepper: Tony, you’re going all Thor on me. Explain. What’s wrong?

Tony: were at the theatre and Steve is FREAKING OUT

Pepper: Scary movie?

Tony: not even! Its rated G for fucks sake!

Pepper: What’s he scared of?

Tony: the 3d effects, i think, he digs his nails into my arm every time it’s used.

Pepper: You took someone from the 40s to a 3D? Did you give him any warning?

Pepper: Never mind. I know you didn’t. Now put the armrest up and let him hide his face in your jacket and feed him gummy worms or whatever it is you superheroes do on dates.

Tony: help yourself to anything on my behalf. You know my credit information.

Pepper: You’re welcome, Tony.

Steve: So let me get this straight, the platform is IN the wall.

Pepper: Yes, exactly.

Steve: So, if only wizards can go through the wall, what about, like, objects?

Pepper: Well, everything goes with them.

Steve: Even the non-magical books and stuff?

Pepper: Sure.

Steve: That makes sense, cause they’re owned by the wizard. Okay, thanks!

-

Thor: THIS HAT OF SORTING DOES NOT ONLY BASE ITS DECISION ON WHAT IT BELIEVES IS THE RIGHTFUL PLACE, BUT ALSO TAKES INTO ACCOUNT YOUR TRUE WISHES AND DESIRES?

Pepper: Yeah, which is why Harry is in Gryffindor

Thor: I AM QUITE FASCINATED BY THESE ‘HOUSES.’ I FEEL THAT I WOULD BELONG IN THE HOUSE OF GRYFFINDOR

-

Steve: Pepper, why do Slytherin and Hufflepuff not have animal names in them, when Gryffindor and Ravenclaw do?

Pepper: I don’t know. I always thought Ravenclaw made the most sense, because ravens do actually have claws.

Pepper: Well, talons, but you get my point.

Steve: I do indeed. So, what house do you see yourself in?

Pepper: I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.

Steve: I think you’d be in Ravenclaw. You’re really smart. Or maybe Gryffindor, because you have red hair and it takes a lot of guts to run Tony Stark’s company.

Pepper: That is really sweet of you, Steve. i see what Tony means about the apple pie thing.

-

Thor: I AM QUITE ENAMOURED OF THIS LUNA CHARACTER.

Pepper: I thought you would be. She seems like she would be a friend of yours.

Thor: IS THIS TALE BASED ON A TRUE OCCURRENCE?

Pepper: What, no! Oh, Thor. Thor, Thor, Thor. Has no one taught you what fiction is?